I Need Grandma!

 I remember a time when I had children fast approaching their twenties, there were no prospects in their horizons, and I was really losing faith in ever becoming a grandmother. I was anxious to be a grandmother, I really thought I would make a good one!

 Then one morning quite a few years later, it seems, I woke up and I was a grandmother. I began to wonder.. Am I really ready to be a grandma?  What is my responsibility to them? Have I taught them anything?, besides the fact that there is always gum in my pocketbook!

 One Sunday morning as we were sitting in church, I was oblivious to the noise coming from the back. My husband leaned over and whispered, "Your grandchildren are really cutting capers this morning." I started listening and yes it was my grandchildren, after a little while, our son made his way to the back of the church carrying our two year old granddaughter. As he went out through the double doors, she wailed, "I NEED GRANDMA!" It was my moment of fame!... but it only lasted a moment. It started me thinking, Did she really think I would come to her rescue? and if she did, what did I do to make her think that?

  My experience with grandmothers is pretty limited. My paternal grandparents were separated, so grandma worked night and day to keep her family together and support herself. After my uncle took over the family farm, grandma lived wherever she worked, in nursing homes, and later, as a housekeeper. Once when she came to visit us, one of my sisters asked mom who that lady was. I was afraid of her when I was little, but it wasn't until after I was married, and she came to live with my parents, that I really learned to know and appreciate her. When she told me the stories of her life, the tragedies, and disappointments she had faced, and how her faith kept her going, I was proud to call her "grandma"!

 My maternal grandmother died when I was six. In those six years she showed me what a grandmother could be. I can still remember the way she smelled, like lavender and candy all wrapped up in one. When she came to visit she always brought us candy...the orange circus peanuts were my favorite.  I remember her sitting on the "davenport", ( I never heard anybody else call our sofa a davenport) cuddling with me until I fell asleep. She was my ally against my older siblings. When she died I knew I had lost something valuable.

 I realize how blessed I was to have two exceptional grandmothers. One taught me to treasure every moment you can with your grandchildren, and the other one taught me that even though life is hard, God will give us strength to face our struggles. I remember a reunion we had several years before grandma died, she looked around at all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and she said in a voice filled with awe, "I am responsible for all these people!" With God at her side, she was able to live to see her family grow together, even though there were times she couldn't be there for them. And now, as I grow older and see the grandchildren multiply and grow, I can say "I am responsible for all these little people." And oh, how...I NEED GRANDMA!